I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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