I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
