I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
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