dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
