Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
