My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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