if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
