We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
