Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.

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(610): I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/nwna

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(315): View more from New York

I think im going to throw up on grandma

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(315): I think im going to throw up on grandma http://tfl.nu/l2gu

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.

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(603): five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon. http://tfl.nu/sqt2

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(952): View more from Minnesota

True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.

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(952): True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you. http://tfl.nu/3inq

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(571): View more from Virginia

non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.

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(571): non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do. http://tfl.nu/8y8e

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

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(701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....

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(225): Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss.... http://tfl.nu/pts0

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(502): View more from Kentucky

one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.

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(502): one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why. http://tfl.nu/9zaj

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(810): View more from Michigan

I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.

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(810): I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure. http://tfl.nu/tlfm

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(519): View more from Ontario

He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.

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(519): He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire. http://tfl.nu/chwr

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(952): View more from Minnesota

He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.

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(952): He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan. http://tfl.nu/7ucr

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(516): View more from New York

He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this

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(516): He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this http://tfl.nu/b4ty

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?

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(717): I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen? http://tfl.nu/h6xb

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.

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(+44): This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner. http://tfl.nu/2gdm

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(914): View more from New York

So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.

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(914): So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy. http://tfl.nu/skqk

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