My room smells like vodka and shame
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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