is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
