real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize