I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it because I queefed?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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