We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize