Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
