Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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