"it" just moved
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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