Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
