I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
