Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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