I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
