would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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