I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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