DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
