Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
