dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
