Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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