Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
