Christians are straight up FREAKS
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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