the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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