y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
