just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
