I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
