bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
