I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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