I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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