no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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