Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
