K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
