Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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