Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
