I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The power of my boobs compel you
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
