Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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