i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
