Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
