Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
