shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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