Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
