if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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