so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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