he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I deserve this hangover.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
