I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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