you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
