lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
