Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
