if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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