Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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