I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize