Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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