____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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