it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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