So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
