dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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