can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
