Swine flu. Run for my life!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
