You just made me feel so damn special
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
