Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
