My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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