we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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