i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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