I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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