You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
