Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
