We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
