so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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