drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
