How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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